Pinky and Perky

One time on an Amsterdam trip
We decided to watch ladies strip
Some were pinky and peached
But this Scotsman couldn't reach
Oh my, I must be losing my grip

So I sat back and watched it all
Their clothes shed as my eyes befall
Undulations of delight
On this Amsterdam night
This Highlander left in thrall

To Scotland we head back the next day
Ogled eyes have now had their say
Many memories so pert
But boy were we alert
The credit card we now have to pay


Is That A Dino I Saur

Two Dinosaurs stand face to face
But something is so out of place
A starry night in the sky
But it's a starfish I spy
Oh! that line of cocaine that I chased 

My Meal and I

The meal I require tonight
Will satisfy my appetite
As she lies on the table
Oh boy am I able
To relish in her sweet delights

First her curvaceous curves
Enjoyable for any serve
Taken abreast
How my heart requests
So pert in tasteful observe

Her sweetness is sure to follow
Like a bear in honey I wallow
Then like a lion I roar
As I head back for more
Sugary just like a marshmallow

My love has a craving to share
For into my eyes she does stare
She says "Hun are you able"
It's your turn on the table
I have teeth so you better beware 

Data Base, No Place

There is a person with more than one face
Who struggles in more than one place
Being on line one at a time
It sure can't be fine
Infecting ones data base


What the Spring Sprung

Tonight I thought passion would bring
But not in the shape of a bed spring
The very moment I peaked
I felt what was breached
Now I am so very hampered in upswing

Hook, Line and Sinker

The fishing of Scotland's coast
To be honest I have to boast
Please come take a look
And dangle your hook
And join me in traditional toast

My favourite place is called Dunnet Head
With many species it has to be said
One just dangles their line
Hey presto! see what you find
It's a bite, not the weight of your lead

But sadly there has been some stinkers
When the fish must have been thinkers
For many times we did try
In us they espied
Wasting our time dropping our sinkers

Like a Duck's Wiggle

I know of a girl called Daisy
Whose wiggle sure isn't lazy
From left to right it swings
Making my heart sing
The images make me go crazy 

Naked to Bare

My girl loves to lie in the nude
For one thing she sure ain't a prude
She's so naked to bare
And just doesn't care
But all the other guys eyes are so glued

On a Whim, we Swim

Sitting by the beach one summers day
I turned to my girlfriend to say
Shall we go for a swim
It's cold not too grim
Splish splashing in love do we play

Two bodies now exit the cold blue
Only one of us appears to be true
Now shapely and pert
Her body so alert
My desire is now to pursue

To the beach towel she says on the turn
My love you've turned into a worm
The cold water has spoken
At least it's a token
When warmed I'm sure it will squirm

It's a Gas, Gas, Gas

My eco car runs on natural gas
Naught to sixty, what a blast
It runs like a dream
Refueled by baked beans
All free from a humans ass 

Super Grouper, Sardine Party Pooper

Scuba diving, oh! what a dream
In the Gulf, amidst the Sardines
With a Florida blond
Whom I've grown to be fond
It's dark, is it all that it seems

Our dive is going oh! so super
Boo! said the nosey big Grouper
Och! do you have to be mean
To these little Sardines
Your just a big party pooper

Told of he goes in a mood
Just like a big bully should
Hey! next time take better care
To these Sardines you did scare
It's impolite, and you've been oh! so rude

Five oh Three

Three times I've read Service Unavailable
Are the Servers just not capable
Seeing message 503
Is it Judgement Day to be
Or are we unable to enable


When I was a mere five years old
An Alsation dog was never controlled
As quick as a flash
It bit me on the ass 
It's reaction was never foretold

Since then dogs have scared me quite a lot
A resolution needed to be sought
As I grew to be older
With dogs I became bolder
So a Golden Cocker Spaniel we got